Friday, May 30, 2008
Tantrums
What are everyone's tips for dealing with tantrums? I've tried ignoring them, I've tried time-out, and I've even tried (I can't believe I'm admitting this) spanking :( Yes, we were walking out of JCPenney and people looked at me like they were about to call CPS. If you do time-out, how long do you make them sit there, and what do you do if your child actually seems to like her "naughty corner"? And what do you do if you are driving while the tantrum happens?
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3 comments:
Well, I put Morgan in time-out for 2 mintues (1 minute per year of age) and sometimes I end up taking her back several times. I let her lay on the ground and throw her fit because it usually doesn't take too long for her to realize I've moved on and am ignoring her. If Morgan throws a tantrum in the car, I usually just let her know that I can't fix the problem because I am driving and she either screams until we get out, or moves on.
I'll admit, too, that at times, I have had to spank. I always give Morgan at least 2 chances and I warn her that the consequence is a spanking (she usually says, "no spanking, mommy" and shapes up--thank goodness!).
If Ivy likes her "naughty corner", I would suggest relocating her. Morgan's naughty spot is in the kitchen, so she can see exactly what she is missing out on. I found that when she was in the corner (and out of sight), she seemed to find a way to enjoy time out. So, I relocated her and now she sits there and apologizes, hoping to get out sooner.
To sum it up, I would suggest repetition, repetition, repetition!!! Brian and I brought Morgan back to her bed about a dozen times today for nap time, and she finally figured out that we meant it and gave up. Sure, it's frustrating, but she got the picture. Also, pick certain privileges (or toys) that are always off limits when she acts up. Maybe they'll be missed enough that she'll shape up.
I hope this helps!
Natalie, I think we all deal with this! And it is the most mortifying thing when, the second you walk into Walmart, your two-year-old screams at the top of their lungs and then throws their body on the ground. Oh, wait. That was my two-year-old.
When we do the public meltdown, I generally stop everything I'm doing and we "have a talk." I let Spencer get out what his frustration is and then make it clear that a) it's not appropriate to scream about it, especially in the store and b) now he is certainly not going to get what he was screaming about. And then we have a hug and sorry, and redirect to something else. He also has to sit in the cart then, which he HATES!
I try to do this in a private corner of the store, but of course I don't want him screaming all the way through the store, so in the case of the Walmart episode, we just sat down right in front of the deli counter on the floor. I didn't really care if people were looking. Spence calmed right down and we did better the rest of the day.
I still don't believe Ivy ever throws a fit. She always acts angelic when I'm around.
In one of my parenting books I read about using an "uninvolved approach". This has been really helpful for us. It has been a good way to let Will and I stay relaxed while letting the child have some privacy to calm down. Sometimes I think their tantrums are fueled by us trying to help them calm down. Perhaps some time on their own gives them an excuse to get over whatever it is that they are upset about. I have to remind myself that developing independence and identity are more important than a quiet home! These are the suggestions my favorite book makes:
If you are in a public place, when they start to melt down, let them know calmly that you can't stay at the [store]. Give up on the shopping, go to the car, and let them have a tantrum there safely. Try to ignore the tantrum and once they're done, sit down and hug them saying, "It's terrible to be so upset, isn't it?"
If you are at home, pick them up to hold them quietly, carry them to a safe spot so they can work it out themselves, or walk out of sight momentarily. When they can't see you, they usually calm down. At that point, go right back to where they are and say, "I'm sorry I can't help you more. I'm still here and I love you, but this tantrum is your job." Limits reassure them that they will not be completely out of control. It's so nice to be able to end a tantrum with lots of love.
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