I thought I'd share a little success that we're having in a few areas, in hopes it might help with a problem you're having, or just encourage you to keep trying different things.
Spencer has been EXTREMELY disobedient the last few weeks. I honestly feel like I'm talking to the wall when I'm asking him to do or not do something, because I sometimes get no acknowledgment whatsoever. As I'm losing patience with him, I often count to three, which he also ignores, and then I just get angry. So I thought of something and tried it and it worked. 1. I ask him to do something. 2. If he doesn't do it, I ask him to please do it, and explain that I'm going to count to three. If he's not moving in that direction by the time I get to 3, there will be a punishment. Here's an example.
Me: Spencer, it's time to go make your bed.
Spencer: (keeps driving trucks on the couch)
Me: Spencer, I would like you to please go make your bed. I'm going to count to three, and if you're not walking to your bedroom when I say 3, you'll have to go to time out.
Me and Spencer in unison: 1-2-3 (as Spencer begins running to his room to make his bed.
Obviously, this technique isn't perfect, but I realized that I was not communicating clearly with Spence about what the expectation is and what the punishment or reward will be.
Next, because of the disobedience problem, I feel like all I've been doing is coming down hard on Spence all the time. On Friday, we had to go to the DMV and I knew it would be horrible, but decided to take both the kids and brave it alone. Spencer was an ANGEL!! I couldn't believe it, but was so grateful! So when I put him in the car, I told him how proud I was and gave him a hug and a lot of positive reinforcement. We both were so happy when we were done!
Again, these are just things that have been working well for us, and obviously, every kid is different. I certainly don't think there is one right way to parent, but hopefully someone can find these ideas useful.
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3 comments:
Chrissy, I can totally relate. Kaleb ignores me in the same way.
I'm not much of a talker even with my kids, they must be as frustrated about me as I am of them, and I have found that communicating exactly like you have said really does help. Some times (when I'm being good and communicating) it helps for me to be really specific, so he knows why I want him to obey and that I’m not just being a “mean mom”.
That's funny that Spencer counts with you until 3. I use pretty much the same technique with Morgan and it's pretty successful. Although, she can count to 5 as of a couple of weeks ago, and now she always tries to count a little bit more to buy extra time!
Chrissy, I sooo know what you are going through. It drives me crazy that Avery won't do anything until I get to the magic number 3. I feel that she should begin responding when I say 1 and at the very most 2. I expect her to be well on her way to doing what I've asked her to do by the time I GET to 3. Waiting until 3 is just dragging on frustration. So what I did in order to get Avery to start acting before I get to three I would put her in time out if she looked like she was planning on ignoring me. I only had to do this a few times. She now will respond when I say one. Every once in a while she will test me. If I see a pattern starting to develop I'll go back & reinforce the response to saying one (if that makes any sense).
Unfortunately, I have heard age 3 is worse or just as bad as the terrible two's, because they want to start doing things themselves. They think they can do everything! Avery & I have had a really rough time together ever since before she turned 2. She has tested every single boundry & still to this day will push my limits. I've heard from seasoned mom's that you just need to choose your battles. With Avery that is just what I've had to do. Some things are just not worth fighting her on (like having her hair done & having clothes on when she's home, etc).
I wish I could tell you it gets better. For me the battle has just shifted. Like I've said in past posting, you've just got to keep your ground. There may be a time when you have to figure out which battles are most important. I used to think that she should be obedient to me no matter what I've asked her to do...I just can't think that way anymore or I would be fighting her all day long...and I am NOT kidding.
I've recently had to learn to try to turn things into games or make it fun or even bribe her with good girl treats when I'm out of tricks. I'm trying to be more creative rather that hard nosed about things and she is much more responsive to me....at least for now (most of my tricks usually only last at most a few weeks and then I have to think of something new).
Anyway, good luck & hopefully you won't have to go through what I've been through.
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