Rule Charts

I just read Courtney's post and, let me tell you, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH!!! Yesterday, I was shopping and Morgan was in the buckle part of the cart and Sadie asleep in her carseat in the basket. I stopped at the cutting counter to get some fabric cut and when I wasn't looking (of course), Sadie started screaming! I asked Morgan what happened and she simply replied, "The yellow rule." (That will make sense if you keep reading) I was so annoyed because she said it as though she was proud of herself.

I have been worried about Morgan and really wondering if her behavior issues could be more than normal two-year old problems. Especially because behavior/mental disorders are genetic and I am obsessive-compulsive and also get anxiety attacks. So, I called the pediatrician and did some research on my own. The gist of it from what I researched and what Dr. Noah reassured me is that it really is normal. Basically, what is happening is at this age (about 2 1/2), a lot of smart kids are exactly that...too smart for their developmental stage. So, to handle it, they often act out. He said, as hard as it is, consistency is the key. He also suggested making the punishment a little bit harsher than the crime, because then it's more obvious to the kids that they did something wrong. For instance, the new rule at our house is if Morgan hits someone, she goes straight to her room. If we aren't home, then we will go straight home. NO chances! So far, it's helped (it's been 5 days), so I'm hoping it will.

Anyway, back to "the yellow rule". Last week, when Morgan acted out toward Pen again, I decided I had had it. I was going to put together a list of rules and their consequences so that I was being consistent with not only consequences (I am pretty good there), but making sure that Morgan knew exactly what consequence to expect.

So, here's what I did:

Rule Chart

1. Brian and I sat down and discussed what specific things we were frustrated with Morgan's behavior. Then, we categorized them into 3 (you could also do more, just try to keep the list short) "actions" that Morgan was doing.

2. Next, we decided what punishment best fit each crime.

3. Since Morgan can't read yet, I made a color-coded chart for her to follow...hence, the "yellow rule"...and posted it in the kitchen at her level. I put the big idea in bold at the top, but for a reminder to myself and Brian, the more specific details are listed below. For instance, HURTING SOMEONE is in bold and hitting, pinching, biting, kicking, pushing, scratching are listed underneath.

4. Several times a day (the key is REPETITION), I'll ask her to come over and we'll talk about the rules. I'll ask her what the "purple rule" is (disobeying), and if Morgan does the purple one on her side, then Mommy and Daddy have to do the purple one on their side. She's already got it down and knows what to expect for her behaviors.

While it isn't a "cure-all", this has definitely helped at our house!

Reward Chart

SEPARATE from the rule chart (in fact, it's on a different wall), I constructed a reward chart. For good actions that I see Morgan doing, she can put a sticker on her chart. She helped pick the rewards, so she knows what she is working for. For instance, she wanted to have ice cream with Daddy, so she worked toward that one, and tonight, Brian and Morgan are going to get ice cream. Other ideas: special treat at the store; 1/2 hour of playtime with just Mommy/Daddy...no sibings, phone, etc.; new book; bake cookies; extra TV show one day, etc.

The key to this one is to give them stickers to put on when they don't expect it. Then, they learn that their everyday GOOD behavior is what helps them earn sticker and rewards, not specific actions. For instance, if Morgan is playing nicely for an extended period of time, I will stop her in the middle of playing and say, "Morgan, you are playing nicely. Come put a sticker on your chart." She gets so excited because her behavior, though she doesn't recognize it as exceptionally good, is being reinforced, and she'll want to be good again, so she can have another sticker.

For my own reminders, I've also made a more specific list of things that Morgan can do to earn a sticker. Then, I remember to reward her good behaviors because they are right there to see. However, I don't give her a sticker every time she does something good (that would get very expensive, not to mention, less effective), but I try to recognize all the good things she does throughout the day, and reward her with 1-2 stickers daily, at most. And, there are days with no stickers, like yesterday. So, this morning, Morgan woke up and told me she wanted to be a good girl to get a sticker. I would definitely say that's improvement!

Sorry for the novel...hope it helps. You're all great moms. Watching you with your kids is such an example to me. Keep up the great work so I can keep learning from you!